The Secret to Joy pt. 2 (Coming out of the fog)

In my last post I shared about how I woke up to the truth about how depression and despair had weaved their way in to my life. It was a shock to me that I had to be told by someone ELSE that I was depressed, and even still it took me weeks to finally accept it! In time, I invited God to work on me and show me where I may be storing up toxic thoughts. I've slowly become better at recognizing the physical and emotional patterns of depression, and learned how to embrace and work through them. (Yes... I said embrace them).

This doesn't make me immune to sadness or future struggle. But it does mean that I now have some steps I can take when I begin to see the signs.

I'm not a therapist, and don't claim to have all the answers, but if sharing my process can help one person- it makes every moment of struggle worth it. I'm honestly just grateful to be on the other side and able to share my story and what helped me. Side note- I would love hearing your stories and tools of how God has brought you through, too! (Please do share in the comments!)

I put together a little checklist for myself of what to do when I find myself in a dark place, or emotionally in a bit of a whirlwind. I hope this can help you as well.

1. Assess the source. Once I figured out I was in a dark place (and sometimes that's LITERALLY half the battle), I realized that I needed to be brave enough to face the source head on. In my circumstance, I had been avoiding and pretending as though my pain was not serious enough. I took an inventory of some of the "big bucket" items, that seemed to be causing pain in other areas:
   1. Situational- Are you in a place where your current living/relationships/workplace situations are causing your quality of life to diminish?
   2. Emotional- Have you experienced a traumatic or painful situation that you have not intentionally healed from, or attempted resolution?
   3. Physical- Is your body contributing to, or hindering you from healing? EX: Have you experienced a significant trauma in or to your body? Are you eating healthy nourishing foods or loads of junk food? Are you getting a full night's sleep? Are you getting some form of exercise or movement in a few times a week (even if it's just a walk or stretching)? Are your hormone levels fluctuating rapidly, etc...
2. Address the source. Once you have become aware of one or more sources of pain, you now have a choice. Sometimes it feels like the situation is too big to tackle all at once, or like there is too much there. But my greatest encouragement is to start with ONE step. Just one. Take the next right step. Make a list of one or two small things you can change daily. Once you get those under wraps, you can take the next right step and add on, and so on.
3. Find a support system. As much as it might feel overwhelming or even embarrassing to tell someone else that you are struggling, it's incredibly freeing to get it off your chest. We heal ourselves in community, not in isolation. Tell a person who you think will be empathetic and willing to check in on you. Not to do the work FOR you, but to lovingly make sure you are doing it, and that you're ok.
4. Love yourself. Don't beat yourself up for being in this position- what you need is to heal your wounds, not give yourself more. That starts with loving yourSELF well. Do something each day to love yourself (that does NOT involve numbing your pain). A few ideas might be taking a soothing bath or hot shower, journaling, meditating, take a walk, snuggle a pet, read a book, listen to a sermon, put on an outfit/doing your hair/wearing a scent that makes you feel your best.
5. Drown your sorrows in the truth. One of the best things you can do to find joy, is to tell yourself the TRUTH about some of the wonderful things in your life. Each morning when you wake up, spend some time in prayer and God's word and make a list of 5 things you are grateful for. (New ones every day!) When you focus on the darkness that's what you see. But if you focus on the what's good, beautiful and true, pretty soon that'll be your guiding force. (see Phil. 4:8)

The greatest truth I all this that I was to discover is that joy is not circumstantial; in fact, it's the opposite. It's an ability to look at whatever is in front of you, and find the good. The ability to see the glimmers of gold in every situation. That even horrible situations have opportunities to bring about change for good and for a purpose, and remind you that you're still standing.

Contrary to popular belief, joy is not found when all the stars have aligned for your picture perfect scenario... it’s found when you’re stripped of all the things that never mattered, are are filled with all that DOES. Joy's not found when you’re free OF difficulty, but rather being free IN your difficulties. It's being in a desperate situation, but still confidently hopeful that God will come through. It’s being completely heartbroken, yet knowing that God makes beauty even out of ashes. Each of us go through times that test our will to go on. But know this: God has made you and I perfectly with everything we need to persevere. 

I want to leave you with a passage that helped me get through some especially dark times. Over and over again, it's reminded me that no matter how dark things may get, we always have hope in Jesus- in Him we will find all we need.

Matt 5:3-9 “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

4“You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

5“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

6“You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.

7“You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.

8“You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

9“You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.

Today, I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m praying that you find the joy waiting for you, both in and on the other side of this. In the midst of our sadness, disappointments, frustrations, and our losses there is still hope. You’re cared for, you’re favored, you're loved and lovable, you’re covered. Most importantly, God IS for you!

XOXO

-Natalie