Am I over thinking this?

I've been told I'm an over-thinker. Writing this very article might have proved their point. (I re-wrote it at least five times).

Like any good millennial, when I sat down to write about my experience in this article my first response was to google facts about it to death. Search titles included: "What causes over-thinking?" "How do you know if you're an over-thinker" "Is over-thinking caused by suppressed childhood trauma?" "Is over-thinking a sin? And what does the Bible say about it?" Then I'll spend hours researching Bible verses on over-thinking. I started jotting ideas down, cross referencing the points, thinking about how they might apply... and then it dawned on me... "yeah... I'm way overthinking this." Ohhhh, the irony.

Research is good, but it at some point there's no fancy way to say... just do the dang thing. The truth is, I already knew what I needed to say. I already had the talking points I needed because I've LIVED this. But something inside of me kept telling me it wasn't enough. It's the curse of overthinking that we don't talk about... the feeling that if we put ourselves out there, somehow we'll be exposed, shamed or humiliated for make the wrong choice.

In my case (and probably yours) overthinking is not just a silly/funny personality trait; it's an issue that needs overcoming. As much as I love good self-deprecating humor about my flaws, the effects of this one aren't all that funny. This has been a problem that has caused serious delays in my life.

So... what IS the root issue? Why DO we over think? I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that it likely comes of one of three things: 1) Perfectionism 2) People pleasing, & ultimately 3) Fear.

When it comes right down to it... I've been too afraid of what people will say, or that somehow the moment I begin to be visible, someone/something will try to drag me down. It's paralyzing.

It took me way too long to realize paralyzing fears like these really are a trauma response. We know deep down it's not healthy to be paralyzed by over-thinking, but it's a reality anyone who's put themselves out there in any kind of significant way, has experienced. I know I'm not alone.

In my profession alone the polarizing climate we live in and pressing and shifting social issues have caused many other pastors to burn out, quit or break down. I've witnessed, AND personally experienced enough online harassment and bullying to last me a lifetime. The last few times I stepped forward to make a difference, I experienced intense harassment, the spreading lies and rumors about me and my family and it all became too much. I convinced myself that taking risks... even being visible isn't worth it.

The enemy had me right where he wanted me. Trapped. Silent. Alone.

The intense fear of imperfection and rejection that one mistake would somehow take me out resulted in doing nothing at all, so I could offend no one at all, ultimately helping no one at all. Not least of all... myself.

It’s not the thinking that’s bad, or the deep consideration that creates problems. It's when the fear of people gets bad, that it causes us to do nothing.

In the moment, it feels like self protection. And for a while that works. There's no drama if you say nothing and do nothing. No one's offended by you if you're invisible. You can't be devoured if you can't be seen. The thing is... you don't realize that once you've gone down this road, you've actually volutarily imprisoned yourself. That "protection" you found is a cage. A trap of isolation and purposelessness. The only thing we end up protecting ourselves from is experiencing the good things life. And even if you choose to voluntarily hide, people are still gonna people. Haters are gonna hate... no matter WHAT you do.

Escape is an illusion... the pain is still there. It's just different. So you have a choice to make... you can't avoid pain. You have to pick the KIND of pain you want to endure. You can endure pain that ends in purpose and life, or you can endure than pain of staying caged up and never experiencing or accomplishing anything.

Until your mission becomes bigger than your fears and the pain you're willing to endure, you'll never do anything.

The greatest adventures don't stand by and wait for you to overthink whether or not to do them. You get a moment to go for it, before it passes by. So sure, nothing dangerous may happen, but neither does anything worth any remembering. That's the great theft of fear... it robs us out of the joy of trying and failing.

No, I did not mis-speak... I said and I meant it. There actually is joy in trying and failing, if you choose it to be so. Failure can be fun. Our society makes failing too serious. But what if we just decided that it can be funny, or fascinating, or informative instead of the nail in our coffin? How silly is that, when you think about it? The nail isn't in the coffin until we're dead. So, if you're alive, the world is still your oyster.

Fear tells us that failure is permanent, and if we do fail that will somehow be our last opportunity... our final identity. But that may be one of the biggest lies and betrayals to our souls of all. Because failure isn't permanent; the opportunities are endless.

Your identity isn't built on your worst, silliest or most embarrassing moment. It's built off whose you ARE and what you choose to DO about it.

So... whose are you? Who is dictating your choices right now? Is it your worst enemies? Your critics? Your self? Your God? Who is determining how YOU live your life? That matters.

 The whole reason I felt the need to start this blog, is because I'm trying to take back the narrative of my own story. For too long, I let other people write that narrative. I let other people's opinions dictate my choice. And it's drained the life and soul out of me. I held on to it, overthinking when I'd launch it and how I'd design it. But it was all a crutch to keep me from actually putting myself out there and just DOING it.

As I was praying the other day, I felt the Lord encouraging me... "Natalie, you've given your fears too much credit. I want you to ask yourself... what if something incredibly GOOD happens? What's the BEST the could happen? What if you believed that my plans for you are good, and that I will make whatever happens... good?" And that's really the bottom line. God is able to taking ANYTHING and make it good. Our weakness, our failures, our mistakes... all of it.

Can I ask you a question that I'm asking myself? What good might never happen, or what changes won't come about if we DON'T just step out?" What possibilities are still impossibilities, only because we haven't made a move?

To overcome overthinking, there's one big choice: to guided by ACTION more than FEAR.

It may sound oversimplified, but the opposite of thinking is acting. If you want to overcome something, do the opposite. Instead of focusing on the depths of our fears, insecurities, and failures we can just start moving towards the million and one possibilities for good. You don't need to have it all figured out to just start.

The simple little truth for today is found in Proverbs 16:3-  "Commit your ACTIONS to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." Boom. Period.

What have you got to gain?

XOXO

-Natalie