Am I over thinking this?

I've been told I'm an over-thinker. 

Writing this very article might have proved their point. In my pursuit to discover if I truly am an overthinker, I spent over an hour researching Bible verses and articles about over-thinking. I started jotting ideas down, cross referencing the points, thinking about how they might apply... and then it dawned on me... "yeah... I'm way overthinking this." So, after sitting down and looking at my own self, assessing my neurotic tendencies, and realizing I already had the answers I sought... I finally just decided: "I should just WRITE the blog I was looking for." The truth is, I already know I do it, and I know WHY I do it. And I have pretty good idea why most of the rest of us do too.

I'll get to that in a second. But I need ya'll to know that this is not just a silly/funny characteristic; it's an issue I've recognized in myself that needs desperate attention. It's gotten to the point where I've realized that over-thinking is actually keeping me from living my life to the fullest, and worse- from accomplishing my purpose. It hasn't benefitted me a single ounce to over-think. In fact it's only shackled me in mediocrity and regret. It needs to be said that last week I wrote and re-wrote five (yes FIVE) blogs and posted approximately zero of them (this one included). Why, you ask? Well, because I when it comes right down to it... I've been too afraid of what people will say, or that somehow the moment I begin to be visible, someone will try to drag me down. I realize now that that's a trauma response, and it's not exactly healthy, but it's a reality I lived (and in this psychotic online world we live in, I know I'm not alone). I've experienced enough online harassment and bullying to last me a lifetime. The last few times I stepped forward to make a difference, I experienced intense harassment, the spreading lies and rumors about me and my family and it all became too much. I convinced myself that taking risks and even being visible isn't worth it. The enemy has had me right where he wanted me.

Over-thinking paralyzes us so sneakily. We don't even realize it's happening. Its the slow trickling fear that we'll get something wrong, hurt someone's feelings, or have to read a cutting comment causes us to shut down. It's the intense fear of imperfection and rejection that one mistake will somehow take us out. For me... its neurotic. Every time I get an idea, I re-write it from five different peoples perspectives, I re-word them to sound more neutral. I go back and forth changing the main points, trying to determine what's really more consequential. In the end, I ended up doing nothing at all, helping no one at all. Least of all myself.

It’s not the thinking that’s bad, or the deep consideration that creates problems. What’s bad is when the fear of people causes us to do nothing. That fear though, hasn't done one thing to actually protect me- unless you consider caging yourself up protecting yourself. But the only thing we end up protecting ourselves from is experiencing life. People are gonna people. Haters are gonna hate no matter WHAT you do.

So you have a choice to make... you can't avoid pain. You have to pick the KIND of pain you want to endure. You can endure pain that ends in purpose and life, or you can endure than pain of staying caged up and never experiencing or accomplishing anything. Until your mission becomes bigger than your fears, you'll never do anything.

The greatest adventures don't stand by and wait for you to overthink whether or not to do them. You get a moment to go for it, before it passes by. That's the great theft of fear... it robs us out of the joy of trying and failing. No, I did not mis-speak... I said and I MEANT that there is JOY in trying and failing! So sure, nothing dangerous may happen, but neither does anything worth any remembering.

Fear tells us that failure is permanent, and if we do fail that will somehow be our last opportunity... our final identity. But that may be one of the biggest lies and betrayals to our souls of all. Because failure isn't permanent; the opportunities are endless.

Your identity isn't built on your worst, silliest or most embarrassing moment. It's built off whose you ARE and what you choose to DO about it. So... whose are you? Who is dictating your choices right now? Is it your worst enemies? Your critics? Your self? Your God? Who is determining how YOU live your life? That matters.

 The whole reason I felt the need to write this blog, is because I'm trying to take back the narrative of my own story. For too long, I let other people write that narrative. I let other people's opinions dictate my choice. And it's drained the life and soul out of me.

So, in the effort of the world holding me accountable... I'm letting you all know! I have had a few things I’ve venture in to for a while now, and after going back and forth on them for LITERALLY almost a year, my husband finally challenged me to actually DO something about it! I had almost convinced myself to go through with it. But then, the night time came, and I sat awake in bed and wondered what might happen if I fail... the good, the bad, and everything in between. To the point where I justified the idea that if I did nothing, nothing bad could happen.

Then, in the quiet and the stillness I heard a whisper from the Lord... "Natalie, you've given your fears too much credit. I want you to ask yourself... what if something incredibly GOOD happens? What's the BEST the could happen? What if you believed that my plans for you are good, and that I will make whatever happens... good?"

This got me snowballing on a completely NEW thought path... "What good might never happen, or what changes won't come about if I DON'T step out?" Pretty soon, the possibilities for something amazing became bigger in my mind than the fear of failing. And that was the moment it finally clicked.

SO, I’ve made a new vow to myself this week to be a "yes" person who’s guided by ACTION more than I’m guided by fear; To be careful not to get so deep in my thoughts that I drown.  Instead of focus on the depths my our fears, insecurities, and failures I'll focus on the million and one possibilities for good.

To finish the story, I finally took a first step towards a goal of mine, and you know what? It wasn’t as scary or dreadful as I pictured it to be in my mind. In fact, it went great, and I actually felt more confident in the middle of many uncertainties than I have in a long time.

The simple little truth for today is found in Proverbs 16:3-  "Commit your ACTIONS to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." Boom. Period.

So, in the effort to to NOT over-think and re-hash this blog from 5 different perspectives, I’m just going to close with this: there's no fancier way of getting to the finish line than JUST DOING IT. What have you got to gain?

XOXO

-Natalie